Playtime
by blackwolfmajik
Summary: All kinds of mischief, some even by those who are old enough to know better. (primarily Alucard & teen Integra)
1. Chapter 1 - Playtime

**Hellsing – Playtime (young Integra + Alucard)**

**Soundtrack: **_I didn't have one in mind this time, if you find a song that you think fits – post it in a review and I'll check it out. The best suggestion will get used and credited, :)_

****AN:** Insert standard disclaimer here – I own nada!

Please review! This was a crack-fic that popped into my head that was meant to be amusing and steamy at the same time – don't hate me. There is a companion piece for this that I'll include as a second chapter. If more related ideas come, I'll tack them on as well.

If there are spelling errors or weird numbered bits – I apologize. My new kitten has a terrible habit of stomping on my keyboard while I'm trying to make edits, :(

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**Playtime**

He stopped, an unfamiliar expression of puzzlement on his face. "Master?"

"Shh," she whispered, not lifting her head. "I'm listening."

An ebony brow rose over the edge of the vampire's tinted glasses. "Listening to what?"

"I'm listening to the _deshk_," she grumbled as if it made perfect sense.

Alucard leaned his tall frame down to get a closer look at his waifish lady.

Integra was _drunk_.

From the looks of the empty whiskey bottle that had nearly rolled onto the floor, she was _very_ drunk.

"I see you enjoyed Walter's Glenfiddich."

The girl scoffed. "He won't be back fer a week; there's time to buy him a new bottle."

"Oh, yes. The dignified sixteen year old Lady Hellsing would not garner _any_ attention shopping in a—"

"Fine! You made your point," she slurred angrily. "And quit _loomin'_ if you're going to shtay."

With a lopsided smirk, the vampire folded himself into the leather and wood chair across from the desk. Patience was the first thing he had learned over the centuries, but she didn't make him wait long.

A deep shuddering sigh rocked the girl's frame.

"I miss him."

It took a moment for Alucard to conclude which 'him' Integra was likely referring to. "Your father was an able man."

"Able," she repeated.

"Yes," the vampire kept his ruby gaze on the bowed blonde head. "He was a fierce fighter and considerable tactician."

Integra finally lifted her face from the desktop, eyeing him blearily. "Awfully compliment'ry on shomebody who locked you in a dungeon t' starve fer twenty years."

"Competent enemies are worthy of respect."

"Ssso, I should remind you of that if I chain you to a wall?"

Innocence made Integra miss the anticipatory lilt of the grin he flashed back at her.

The girl reached out unsteadily and dragged the empty liquor bottle closer. "Father used to keep a bottle of this in his deshk. Do you think Walter keeps one now for shentime'tal reasons?"

"I've never known the Angel of Death to be sentimental about anything."

Integra frowned, absently twirling the bottle with her slender fingers as her mind wandered.

The vampire's chuckle startled her from her thoughts.

"It seem that you have a reward to claim, my Master."

"What?"

Alucard simply pointed.

The bottle had stopped spinning to point at his chest.

It took a moment for Integra's inebriated mind to connect the dots and the vampire laughed again as she blushed to the roots of her hair.

"_What_—you—" she sputtered.

"I see you have heard of this game," the mirth was mingled with something darker. "Perhaps Walter has not been as vigilant as I had thought."

"How do _you_ know what that means?"

The vampire's expression was wry. "I _was_ a young lady for a time, if you recall. It seemed that all of the girls were doing it at some point or another. "

Integra's brain stalled once more before kicking forward again.

"I-I've not done—but I—I _know_ things. I _know_ what boys are after!"

"Do you?"

"Yesh! That son o' Lord Bolton, he's been giving me these creepy looks. It's like he wants to shee what my...well…" She huffed in irritation and discomfort. "Bast'rd tried to get me inna closet once."

Alucard's chair creaked audibly as claws sank into the wood. His voice was deceptively mild: "_Did_ he now?"

"Dint work," she said, crossing her arms. "I elbowed him in the throat."

The vampire king's hearty laugh filled the office, rich and sinful as dark chocolate. "Excellent, my young Master!"

A small smile curled shyly at Integra's lip. "He couldn't talk fer an hour, so I was the only one wi' the whole shtory as t' why."

"My fearsome Lady," Alucard's crimson eyes gleamed as he swept off his hat with a flourish. "Your humble servant waits to grant you your reward."

"'Humble?'" she snorted indelicately, but gave him an appraising look.

The girl chewed at her lip with indecision, suddenly self-conscious and unsure. After an internal debate she couldn't seem to keep on a steady track, she finally nodded. Integra swayed as she stood from her chair and planted her fists on the desk to keep steady. "Come t' me then."

Alucard gracefully untangled himself from the lounge and placed his hands opposite hers. Though Integra was above average height for her age, the vampire still towered over her diminutive frame.

Irritation flared in her startling blue eyes, clearing the alcoholic haze for a moment. "You're too tall, kneel before me."

The demonic smirk ruined the picture of Alucard obediently lowering himself to his knees.

Integra gathered herself and lurched forward, nearly bruising her mouth against his in a clumsy kiss. The moment was brief, but even after she pulled back, Integra could feel the lingering chill of his lips.

Scarlet eyes blinked lazily, as if the vampire were considering something.

"Well, that was rather disappointing," he mumbled.

"What?" Integra stared incredulously, spots of pink on her cheeks.

"I mean, it _is_ your first time right? I shouldn't expect you to be very _good_ at kissing—"

Fury burned away the embarrassed flush and she reached for something to smash him with.

The bottle was spinning slowly again though she didn't remember seeing him touch it.

It settled to a stop, pointing directly at her.

"My turn."

Integra gasped in alarm as the vampire swept up _through_ the desk and lifted her off her feet. His left arm wrapped around her back for support, crushing her tight to his chest.

Seconds seemed to stretch to forever. Integra knew she should protest; should order him to put her down, but her tongue was locked behind her teeth. Bare inches from hers, the ruby fire of his eyes seemed to immolate the whole world.

He held her entire weight as easily as if she were a glass of wine, but he made no further moves other than to look at her expectantly. Integra realized he was waiting for permission and she blushed once more. A barely perceptible nod was all he needed.

_In for a penny..._

His free hand caressed her cheek, the cool silk felt icy on her overheated skin. Slipping his fingers into her platinum hair, Alucard angled her head so he could brush his lips lightly along her jaw.

Integra couldn't breathe past the sensation that rocketed through her body. The secretive explorations she had done while buried under her blankets were nothing in comparison to the liquid heat kindled by his touch.

The devil's smile was knowing as he hovered over her for a lingering moment, drinking in the sight of her flushed cheeks and unfocused gaze.

Integra's eyes slid closed instinctively as Alucard sealed his mouth over hers.

She froze for several heartbeats, unsure of how to respond.

With the inexorable patience of a rising tide, the vampire gently coaxed her to open to him; deepening the kiss. He swallowed her squeak of surprise as his long tongue flicked inside her mouth to curl with her own.

He kissed her tenderly.

He kissed her thoroughly.

He kissed her like she was necessary for his survival.

Alucard wanted to brand the experience into her young mind so that any other who dared to get so close would have to stand in the vast trail he blazed.

Addled with alcohol as she was, Integra still caught on quickly. Her new found confidence grew from moment to moment, and soon she was exploring the contours of his face with her small hands.

The vampire king was aware that this little game had progressed much farther than he intended, but the way she was clinging to him was hard to resist. Unlike during the time of his mortal reign, Integra was still considered a child by modern standards. Taking her now would be a mistake on a number of levels, and Alucard wasn't reckless enough for that kind of risk.

_But if she keeps wriggling like that…_

Lines of heat mapped the paths her fingers had taken across his skin, sending tingles through the deadened nerves that hadn't felt anything in centuries. A purring rumble started in his chest as her hand reached up to fist in his hair. She gripped the unruly waves to a point just short of painful.

It was exquisite.

He never stopped the dance of his mouth on his young master's. Mixing with the clamor of her racing heart, Integra's breath came against his cheek in nasally whimpers.

Though his pool of self-control was nearly endless, Alucard's urge to exert it wasn't. The nearly musical sounds of his master's need were quickly eroding his interest in playing nice.

He leaned in harder, pinning her against the wall behind the desk. The feel of her body heat through their clothes was scorching and he wanted nothing more than to burn in its naked radiance.

Alucard felt a tremor tighten her limbs a heartbeat before Integra's eyes popped open in alarm.

He was already moving.

The vampire twisted and held Integra over the nearby trashcan as she was violently sick. A wry smile curled his lips as he dutifully held her hair back out of the way.

_Saved by alcohol poisoning_, he thought with an inaudible sigh.

He wasn't sure whether he was happy or angry about it.

Or who was saved.

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**AN**: Drunk dialog is hard, I don't think I did that well with it. At one point it made her sound more Irish and I scrapped nearly the whole thing to start from zero.  
In the original draft I left Integra's language straight, but I was worried it wouldn't reinforce the idea that she is acting much different than she would if she were sober.

This takes place only a few years after her father's death and Integra is still mourning. Despite our best efforts to keep a strong front, grief can get the better of us at times.

Having lost my own father, I could see this happening pretty clearly...


	2. Chapter 2 - Pickup Artist

**Hellsing – Pickup Artist (Alucard)**

**Soundtrack: **_Ruiner _– Nine Inch Nails

****AN:** Insert standard disclaimer here – I own nada!

Seriously, who doesn't love a little over protective Alucard?

Boosting the rating on this because of language and situations, (and further chapters) Please review! every comment makes me better, :)

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_The raping of the innocent you know the ruiner ruins everything he sees _  
_Now the only pure thing left in my f**king world is wearing your disease_

**Pickup Artist**

Nobility might be faded, but it still had its perks.

Reggie tugged slightly on the tailored sleeve of his jacket and glanced across the crowded room. A throng of dancers moved together as if a single organism, twitching and swaying to the beat of a song he didn't know.

There were a few attractive girls, but most were too painted or too plain. Not that Reggie was overly picky, it's just that he had a standard to keep.

As he turned back to the bar, he noticed a black-haired doll sitting by herself and paused.

White leather boots clung to her legs, leaving only bare inches of creamy skin between their tops and the hem of a white lace mini-skirt. A matching white halter top left very little to the imagination and showcased her more than ample rack to his connoisseur gaze. Reggie thought the trendy little sunglasses and scarlet lipstick were a bit much, but they could easily be removed.

Like everything else she wore.

Reggie found himself walking down the bar without realizing it. "Hello!" he called over the pounding music.

The woman's painted mouth pulled up into an impish grin. "Hello yourself."

"I'm sorry, I…couldn't help but notice that you're alone."

"Not any more, you're here now."

Reggie swelled slightly, arrogance born of privilege was never far from him. He was handsome, noble and rich. The world was his to squeeze, much like this little doll's titties would be shortly…

Conversation was superficial, but didn't become stale. The young man was in his natural element and reveled in having a beautiful audience. She was at turns coy and at others a vixen. She was a challenge compared to his usual marks and Reggie was enjoying the game immensely.

In the middle of talking about how his father was going to revolutionize export trade, the woman plucked a cherry from her martini glass. She slowly lifted the fruit to her mouth and Reggie watched drops of red syrup stain her white gloves. His voice stuttered to a halt as he couldn't tear his eyes from the red spots on her fingers.

Game be damned. "Do you want to get out of here? To somewhere quieter?"

Her smile was bright and faintly stained with cherries.

"That sounds like an excellent idea."

-oOo-

Ten yards from the night club entrance was a narrow side street painted with neon light and thick shadows. The girl in white seemed to revel in the darkness, twirling a little happy dance as she led him farther from the crowds.

Reggie's hands wanted to be everywhere at once: down her shirt, up her skirt, in her sleek black hair. His pants were uncomfortably tight, but that would be taken care of soon. Maybe even more than once…

Contrary to his plans, Reggie found himself thrown against a masonry wall, feeling lightheaded from impact.

The woman stalked up to him with the easy grace of a predator. The trendy sunglasses she had worn all night slipped down her nose to reveal odd colored eyes. They were contacts, surely - they almost looked like they _glowed_, and that was impossible.

"What the fu—" he started, trying to catch his breath.

"You're Reginald Bolton, son of Lord Randal Bolton, are you not?"

Reggie stared at the woman, thoughts of her luscious body wiped from his mind in a wash of fear. "Oh, bloody hells! You're a kidnapper, aren't you?"

The laughter was wild and cruel. "Such a silly little boy you are!"

"Then what do you want? Money? Take it!"

The female in white leaned into him, a wicked gleam to her smile. "I just want to give you a message."

Reggie had never been afraid of a woman before, but his instincts were screaming that he was in great danger.

Locks of hair blacker than night began to rustle and twist as if in a stiff wind, but the air in the alleyway was flat and still. Reggie's eyes widened as the girl's form began to expand.

"I am here to tell you…" The sweet angelic voice he had listened to all night fell to a masculine rumble as the apparition reformed itself into a tall man. "That if you ever come near my Master, Sir Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing, again…"

Reggie's legs turned to jelly and he slid down the wall until he was sitting in the mud. The noble shook in terror as a multitude of scarlet colored eyes began to open in the shadows around them.

"There will not be anything in this _existence_ that will stop me from _personally_ ensuring whatever is left of your bones will never be found." Some of the floating eyes stretched and became snapping mouths that strained toward the cringing human. "After I am done _playing_ with you, of course."

The hellish leer full of sharp teeth was the last thing Reggie saw before wetting himself and passing out.

_You had to **covet** what was mine, didn't you? Didn't you?_

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**AN:** Points to those who recognize the names!

The other bit I posted earlier this week was really short, so I figured I would push this one as well. The next installment for this is in the final polishing stages, so that will get posted in the next few weeks.


	3. Chapter 3 - Regularity

**Hellsing – Regularity (teen Integra + Alucard)**

**Soundtrack:**_ A Little Less Conversation _– Elvis Presley

****AN:** Insert standard disclaimer here – I own nada!

Couldn't resist - I'm surprised that there aren't more of these little stories around since it seems like such a perfect opportunity for some lechery.

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**Hellsing - Regularity**

"Alucard, have you heard anything I've said the last five minutes?"

The vampire's ruby gaze blinked slowly. "I'm afraid not."

"Pull yourself together," she barked. "You're no use to anyone like this."

He tried his best to maintain focus, but kept failing spectacularly. "Forgive me, Master" Alucard managed finally.

"Good Lord," Integra glared at him. "I should have all my bits ripped out so as to stop this foolishness every month."

The uncharacteristic look of stunned horror on his face nearly ruined everything.

She'd be damned if she would laugh at him while he was being insufferable.

"It's been _four years_, and you still act this way every time. It's too expensive to ship you off somewhere when there isn't a mission; locking you in your coffin is—"

"Pointless."

"Exactly!" she poked her finger at the vampire king.

Amusement glittered in his eyes as he watched her pace behind her desk, throwing her hands up in frustration. She was only this animated when her hormones were high, really angry, or both. Barely eighteen...he had _years_ of this to look forward to.

_Life is full of wondrous things..._

She was still yelling, but he figured he hadn't missed much with the way she was still stomping back and forth and not yet ordering him to ground.

"I'm at my wit's end!"

Alucard twitched, trying to listen to what she actually said instead of what he thought he heard.

"I've used every trick I know: scented soaps, candles – Hell, I even tried perfume! And _still_, you act like a dog on the hunt."

The vampire's smile was unrepentant. "The clove and cinnamon was nice."

"I believe the comment you made was: 'You smell like dessert.'"

"You still do," he purred.

She pinned him with a steely blue glare. "Say that again and I'll switch out your rations with pigs' blood."

Alucard's jaw clicked shut on his next remark, but he couldn't pout for long while his master was so deliciously..._everything_...

Fingers snapped in his face, interrupting a rather pleasant daydream of chocolate covered cherries strategically arranged across her nude body.

Integra rolled her eyes. "Seriously, I should know better than to try to talk to you right now," she muttered.

"I can think of much better things to do," his grin spread into a leer.

The girl's angry response was cut off in a gasp of pain as a cramp lanced through her abdomen.

A heartbeat later, she felt a cool touch upon her brow and an arm around her hips. Alucard sat on the desk and pulled her back against him, ignoring her automatic protest through gritted teeth.

Scandalous as it was to be held tight against his body, Integra stopped fighting as the cramp slowly loosened under the pressure of his hand. For once, Alucard simply held her, not pushing for anything more despite his earlier jibes.

When he was sure she wouldn't elbow him or jump away, the vampire moved his other hand to her stomach and cupped it over the first. Under the steady press of his fingers, he felt her muscles ripple again as a fresh cramp struck.

Integra doubled over his arms and tried to breathe around the feeling of razors in her gut.

Unseen, Alucard bit through his lip to keep from making any noise. The scent of Integra's sweet blood, her fiery temper and his own healthy imagination had him aroused to nearly painful levels already. Looking down at the moaning girl jack-knifed in his lap was positively torturous.

Thankfully, Integra was hurting too much to apparently take notice.

_Barely eighteen and _years_ of this to look forward to..._

"Was _this _one of those 'better things' you were thinking of?" Integra panted, forcing her body to sit upright again as the pain released her.

She felt his deep chuckle more than she hear it. "Not quite, but it'll do."

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**AN:** Not sure if that works for any other girls, but pressure and heat always seemed to help when my cramps would get really bad. Since Alucard is cold, he can only help with the pressure part (and get some free snuggles in the bargain).


	4. Chapter 4 - Creature Comfort

**Hellsing – Creature Comfort (young Integra, Walter, Alucard)**

**Soundtrack: **_Secunda - (Skyrim Soundtrack) -_ Jeremy Soule_  
_

****AN:** Insert standard disclaimer here – I own nada!

I wrote this in about 3 hours, so it hasn't gone through my usual rigorous testing.

If you see something amiss, let me know or just leave a review! we love those things - good and bad!

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**Creature Comfort**

Going to the bazaar had been a mistake.

A _big_ one.

Walter glanced back uncomfortably to where Integra sat behind him. He could see that her eyes were still puffy and red.

Life wasn't fair, as they say. His little master should have had a life full of privilege, friends and comfort.

Girls her age were attending parties, chatting about school, boys and the latest fashions. She should have been able to have whatever she wanted.

And Walter would have served it up to her on a silver platter.

But as a Hellsing, her life was never truly her own.

Privilege? Undoubtedly. In one of the few countries left in the world that recognized the sanctity of rank, Integra was a prize. A noble of good breeding, honor and, well…_integrity_.

Friends? 'I hunt and kill vampires' is more likely to start an insanity plea than a friendly conversation. How could Integra trust someone to be honest with her, when she could tell them nothing but lies about herself?

Walter gripped the steering wheel tighter in frustration and checked for oncoming traffic once more.

Normal fourteen year old girls learned that monsters weren't real. They didn't learn twenty different ways to kill them.

Normal fourteen year old girls had _puppies_ for pets. They didn't have an elder vampire living in their basement...

A flicker of movement brought Walter's gaze back to the rear view mirror. He saw Integra frown, hers fingers unconsciously rubbing themselves together.

The butler sighed.

"Stop that."

"Forgive me, my Lady. I just do not like seeing you troubled."

"I'm not troubled."

"Truly?"

Integra glowered through the foggy car window harder.

"Perhaps we could try again at another store? There were several splendid looking-"

"No, thank you," she said, covering a sniffle behind her handkerchief.

"But perhaps-"

"Enough, Walter. I do not wish to discuss it any further."

Unable to argue with her tone, Walter gripped the wheel and focused on driving through the rain.

Silence filled the car like water, yet he heard her mumbled words regardless.

"It is just as well," she said, returning her gaze to the drizzling London streets. "My life is too unstable for such things."

He didn't comment, simply watched her fingers rub together.

..._...

Days later saw Integra's mood lifted less than the rain.

A required (and awkward) social call with a Round Table member didn't improve things but it did afford the Hellsing household a breather from its melancholy mistress.

Walter observed the silver Rolls Royce come to a stop in front of the manor with trepidation, and stepped forward with an umbrella.

"Welcome back, my Lady," He said cordially.

Integra climbed out of the car, looking tired and far older than her years. "Thank you, Walter."

A sharp bark startled her as a huge black dog trotted up from behind the elderly servant.

The girl hesitated, as if indecisive as to whether to draw her pistol or dive back into the safety of the limo. Something familiar about the beast made her stop and look closer.

"Alucard?"

The vampire's ruby eyes sparkled with amusement as he sat primly near her feet. Alucard let an unnaturally long tongue loll free from his doggish grin, clearly enjoying himself.

Integra scowled, not fooled for a moment by the innocent look from her studiously bland Hellsing butler.

After a deep sigh, she relented. Cautiously, Integra ruffled her fingers through the thick fur around Alucard's ears. Though the pelt was longer, it was still as silky as the puppy at the bazaar.

"Well, I guess I already know I'm not allergic to _you,_" she groused. "But you're _not_ sleeping on the bed and if you come up with fleas, you are _permanently_ outside."

Walter kept his lips frozen to hid the tiny triumphant smile. He might not be able to give her a normal life, but a good butler provides what comforts he can.

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**AN**: Think about _all_ the fun Alucard could have on all fours... *evil grin*

I know this isn't in chronological order with the rest of this series, but I came up with this idea later. There are only so many years to play with while Integra is still relatively innocent, so these might shuffle around a bit.


End file.
